A personal support worker (PSW) is speaking up about the mental stress caused by the ongoing COVID-19 outbreak at Roberta Place in south-end Barrie, where another resident death has been confirmed.
There had not been any new COVID deaths since Feb. 2, and no new resident cases since Jan. 27 at the long-term care home in Essa Road.
A letter obtained by BarrieToday, which was sent out to families by Roberta Place community relations co-ordinator Stephanie Barber, confirmed that as of Friday the latest number shows an increase from 66 to 67 confirmed resident deaths.
Since the outbreak was declared Jan. 8 by the Simcoe Muskoka District Health Unit, there have been 71 deaths, including 67 residents, three probable deaths linked to the virus, and one essential caregiver.
There are two currently active staff/team member cases, which is down from 15 on Friday.
There are no current active cases of resident cases.
On Tuesday, medical officer of health Dr. Charles Gardner said that while there have been no active cases for a couple weeks, "usually it's quite a bit after the onset of the last case that you get your final deaths happening."
Elizabeth Perez is a PSW at the Roberta Place long-term care home. She started working there in October 2019, right after she graduated from the program. The 28-year-old has lived in Barrie for two and half years, but moved here from Peel Region and Roberta Place is her first job as a PSW.
Perez says the home gave her the opportunity to grow as a caring individual.
“I got into this field for many reasons, but it has all led to how big my heart is. It takes a special individual to work in this field, to show compassion, love and support for others regardless of the obstacles that may come our way,” she said.
Before the Jan. 8 outbreak was declared, Perez was a part-timer picking up for full-time hours.
“Unfortunately, there just aren't enough people that go into this field. I’ve worked days, evenings, and especially nights in every single home area,” Perez said. “Before the outbreak, a typical day-to-day life at work was challenging, but the team that we have made us strive.”
Perez says she and the other workers all had a common goal: to care for the residents as if they were their own family members. She says it's impossible not to grow close to the residents.
“We laugh with them, we cry with them, we share stories. They truly become a part of us and hold such a special place in our hearts,” Perez said. “We learn their likes and dislikes, how to communicate with them, even how they liked to be tucked in at night. The connection we hold with our residents and their family is undeniably special.”
Perez, who was one of the many staff who tested positive, told BarrieToday she was “awfully sick to the core.”
Perez had to send her seven-year-old son to his dad's home for a few weeks. She said her son is at the age where he somewhat understands why his mom was gone, but he’d never been away from her like that before.
“Now that I have him back, I can see the mental damage it has caused him. I can’t speak for other families, but from my own experience in all of this, it’s been a nightmare," she said. "No one wants to be away from their little ones. My significant other also got sick and had to take a lot of time off of work. He works in long-term care at a different home and so my biggest worry was for him to bring it there. The time apart from each other put our relationship in jeopardy.”
While off work, Perez says her symptoms were unbearable, but she fought hard to get healthy and back to Roberta Place.
“I remember my first day there, looking around at all the unfamiliar faces of people there to help as almost all of my co-workers were off sick. All of the empty rooms, the people begging me for help; it felt like a war zone. It didn’t feel real,” said Perez. “I don’t think I had the time to fully process anything at first because my adrenaline was kicking and I just couldn’t stop.”
Perez says her caregiver instincts kicked in.
“I had to make sure everyone was comfortable and didn’t feel alone. Everywhere you looked, it’s someone you truly love, dying. You want to do anything possible to take it away and you can’t. That feeling inside of you burns to the core. You fight back tears and try your best to push them to get better, if possible,” she said.
“It wasn’t until a few days in when I had finally broken down in tears.”
Perez says the fear she and other staff have every time they do a wellness check on someone and don’t know what condition they’ll be in is heartbreaking.
“Not knowing who you’re going to find next hurt you so deep inside. Putting them in that body bag and closing the zipper felt like total pain and it didn’t matter how many times you did it, it was always someone you loved.”
Perez also shared a personal experience that she says she won’t ever forget.
“I remember one individual, I had this feeling inside, as if someone was telling me to check on a certain resident. So I did. I went in, held this resident's hand and said you’re not alone and you are loved so much,” said Perez. “Right after I said that, I watched the resident take their last breath. That moment I will never forget. That was the moment I fell apart.”
Perez still has a difficult time breathing from time to time, and she still can’t smell and taste, which is a side effect of the virus.
She said as soon as she was done with isolation, she went back to work and worked many double shifts. Being tired physically is one downside, but the emotional toll is something else and made worse by opinions she sees online.
“I understand that in confusing situations or in hard times people need to know why. People rely on answers to help them understand what’s going on. Everyone needs a reason why things happen, but with COVID we are all left in the dark and just trying to do as much as we can, but for people it’s not enough,” said Perez.
“When you aren’t given answers or the reason why, you start looking for it and that comes in the form of blame," she added. "That is what makes this 100 times harder, being blamed.”
The amount of different emotions Perez has gone through are also painful. While she's trying to make sense of everything she is feeling, she admits it has been difficult.
“I’m grieving, I’m hurting, I feel helpless; I’m beyond sad where I just can’t stop crying. I keep having flashbacks and I cry every day, multiple times a day,” said Perez. “I just remember how scared they would look. I close my eyes and the visuals just feel so real still. Holding their hand and you know they just want to feel your warm skin for comfort, but instead feel the plastic glove.”
Perez says there needs to be help for the mental health and trauma suffered by her and her fellow PSWs and nurses when this tragic situation is over.
“I know I’m not the only one feeling this, because we’re all hurting. You can see it in each other’s eyes, the pain and emotional damage this has caused. And as much as you can tell that they’re trying to put on a brave face, we are all truly hurting.”
Perez pointed out there has been help from Jarlette when it comes to staff mental health and she is currently enrolled in some counseling sessions.
“Unfortunately with COVID, video calls just don’t seem personal enough, but that’s the world we live in right now,” she said. “I am experiencing panic attacks and have reached out to my doctor for medication to help me through this time.”
Perez also wanted to send a message to those who think this pandemic has not been real.
“I hope moving forward that people stop saying that COVID is a hoax, that it’s not real. Take the precautions seriously and please don’t be selfish in this. Follow the guidelines given because I know it may not feel real until it happens to you or someone you love,” said Perez.
