Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Recently, I’ve been noticing a lot of long dragged out how-to videos showing up on Facebook.
Maybe, it has been going on a long time and I just noticed.
You find a subject that somewhat interests you and you click on and next thing you know you are down an endless rabbit hole with no escape.
There was one guy showing a cake icing technique with a Barbie doll in the centre of the cake and a glass cover around her. He was mixing all kinds of coloured icing and supposedly when he lifted the glass up the icing would drip down creating a tie-dye gown effect on the doll and then cascade down the cake. It must have gone on for 20 minutes of him promising a quick reveal.
He went on and on, promising “I’m going to lift the glass any moment and you will see the icing make a beautiful gown.”
He even acknowledged watchers getting agitated.
"Oh I see you think I am talking too much so let me get to it."
He must’ve said that 50 times. He never sped up or shut up!
I have no idea if it ever worked. Last I checked, Barbie had tipped over and was trying to suffocate herself in the cake.
Why I thought I cared about a doll getting a multi-coloured icing dress, I do not know but I wasn’t alone. The video received millions of views. All that wasted time.
I don’t know why I even watched. It's not like I’m going to bake a cake let alone decorate it like an artist. I don’t even want to eat blue or green icing.
I have discovered this technique is called a “tsunami cake” and while actual how-tos may be a legitimate thing, I don’t think these extended suck-you-in videos are.
There was one which was allegedly showing an American serviceman coming home to his wife who had wrapped herself in wrapping paper. It was his mission to unwrap her for a big surprise - all on video.
It was endless, tedious and annoying.
To be honest, it had to be fake as I’ve never met a man with such patience. One strong yank (I mean he WAS a marine) and she’d be naked.
The reveal, as it were, was that she was pregnant which anyone could tell from the first five seconds from the baby bump. By the time she was unveiled, the kid had graduated college.
It was so obvious we were being strung along by actors.
I just don't understand why.
Is it for bragging rights of how many views one got?
Whatever; it is the endless tease.
In researching this a bit more, there seems to be a few reasons.
Facebook, or whatever platform, want you to click on their sites, but also want you to stay for a longer period of time.
This seems counter to the fact everyone has the attention span of a gnat these days.
I’m not sure I found the actual answer but some of what I found on Google was:
- It's like a prank to waste your time and then its anti-climactic;
- It’s a way to keep you on the site longer so they can collect your data;
- The longer people watch the more money is made by the video maker
You Tube videos used to be about seven minutes, but are now much longer.
The longer the video the more of those pop-up ads can be inserted and so the more money generated for the content creator.
Even TikTok, which I thought was all about fast content, is allowing videos up to three minutes.
I don’t know about you, but I rarely watch live TV anymore. I PVR the shows so I can fast forward through commercials. So, trying to force me to watch endless tutorials plus ads seems counter-intuitive.
This, of course, will not be the first or last part of the electronic super highway I do not understand.
I just know I need an exit ramp and make it quick.
