Pet project: Why this author says it's OK to grieve animals

Losing a beloved pet is a terrible loss.

No one knows this better than pet-parents and Innisfil residents Dee-Ann and Nick Benson, who cherished their super-senior cat, Megan. Previously featured by Village Media, Megan survived an illness at 10 years old and passed after her 22nd birthday.

“We were both heartbroken and devastated,” Dee-Ann said. “Although, as devastating as it was, it was perfect in every way for Megan. She was cozy in her regular spot on our bed, in her cat bed with her heating blanket and teddy beside her.”

Dee-Ann said Megan’s passing was life-altering for her, as she provided Megan with round-the-clock care, though the cat could walk and eat and had no cognitive impairment.

“My veterinarian would always say she’s living the best super-senior life with a private nurse,” Dee-Ann said. “I miss her terribly, I still hurt a lot a year later.”

“When Megan passed I started to think about how as a society we often don't represent ‘pet' death the same as ‘human’ death. For instance, over the years we were often presented with the notion of ‘it's only a pet, get over it’ or ‘why are you so hurt over an animal?’ Sadly, today many people still feel this way. With this, I had to make sure that my story was heard to support and validate others' feelings.”

So Dee-Ann wrote Grieving A Pet Family Member, Support Guide.

“There (were) days I wrote with an optimistic heart and other days my heart ached so much I’d break down crying while writing,” Dee-Ann said. “I actually created an analogy based on our heart and the pain we hold in it. It’s included in my book.”

In addition to resources such as worry logs, mood trackers, self-care and wellness checklists, Dee-Ann explained the "book helps to understand how our physiology plays an important role in the healing journey. Often criticism, worry, denial, resistance and guilt are some of the barriers placed upon ourselves.

"The material provided helps recognize self-defeating behaviours and learn to become more self-compassionate, mindful and resilient. Improve stress, anxiety and sleep habits," she added. "Grieving a Pet Family Member provides positive affirmations, poems and beautiful professional photography that I have included from some of my best work.”

Reader Bonnie-Jean Sheldrake says Dee-Ann "writes from a personal and educational perspective, allowing readers to connect to their own journeys."

"I learned (that) I had unprocessed grief and a deep fear of losing my pets which, to me, are family," she said. "It offers practical methods to help you process grief like mindfulness, journaling and seeking counselling. The importance of it being non-judgmental and personalized made me connect. Highly recommend this book.”

Dee-Ann enjoys learning new skills as a hobbyist photographer. She included photos of Megan and poems inspired by Megan’s life in a second book titled, Focus On Life’s Wonders, Photography~Poems. She chooses to keep her photos as natural as possible, so she refrains from using popular photo-editing programs.

“Choosing photos is not an easy task. I believe the photos that I chose were based on a couple factors. One being they were some of my favourite shots and others were based on coordinating them with my poems I wrote,” she said.

“I had several cameras as a child and was always fascinated with everything around me,” Dee-Ann said.

Dee-Ann grew up on a farm on the 8th Line.

"We also have a street named after our family in Alcona. I am proud to say I grew up in Innisfil. I have seen so many changes over the years. When we lived here Innisfil Beach Road was a single-lane dirt road. Growth and change is inevitable. My only sadness I have is for the animals as this growth happens. We embark on their habitat pushing them further away, which makes me very sad," she said.

“Living in Innisfil does influence some of my photography for sure. I love shooting landscape(s) and wildlife, so Innisfil and the surrounding areas do still provide opportunities for wildlife and nature. The bulk of my photography is shot in Muskoka, Algonquin Park and the Huntsville area. In fact, my photography greeting cards were sold in the Algonquin Park Visitors Centre just before COVID hit.”

When asked what she likes to write about when writing poetry, Dee-Ann — who earned three bachelor’s degrees after going back to school in her late 30s — said: “I write for people to understand the ‘big picture,’ but to also sort out the underlying message in a way that they can interpret it their own way.

"I write to evoke deep feelings. I like to write about real-life emotions, I'm a spiritual and philosophical type of person. I'm a very curious person. I like to know the ‘why’ even though most of the time we can't always figure out the ‘whys’ ... I write about mental health, positive uplifting thoughts to encourage people, and whatever I see and feel in the photos.”

Dee-Ann Benson says she plans to continue writing, with entries to include a children’s book featuring Megan as the protagonist, a book about mental health, and a cookbook.

Grieving A Pet Family Member, Support Guide is available on Amazon and on Etsy at DEEMEGSGIFTS.

Focus On Life’s Wonders, Photography~Poems can also be purchased on Amazon and on Etsy at Fineartphotoscanada.