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The naked truth

In this week's Everything King, we find out why painters need danger pay at Wendy's home
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I would love to be a fly on the wall in the lunch room of the office of a window washer or a roofer.

I bet they can tell a few stories about things they have seen.

Imagine my shock at the sight of a strange man peering into my bedroom window early one morning.

Imagine his shock when he saw a strange woman peering back at him!

With apologies for giving you a visual you likely did not need, I was laying in bed early in the morning when I hear a scuffling and scratching at the window. My cat alerts, but does nothing.

To paint the proper scene, it behooves me to admit I was au naturel at the time. (It's hot, OK? Now, here is the truth of it all: If I wear pyjamas, I feel like my circulation is being cut off in the night. Literally, by morning my knickers will be in a knot. If I wear a nighty it ends up around my neck by morning. Thus, the answer is sleeping in the altogether)

Once my groggy self can figure out that the sound is someone on my roof, I bolt out of bed.

In that exact instant, I realize I am naked and I jump back in bed.

It was like a Keystone Cops silent movie. In/out/out/in... I couldn't stay where I was, but I was trapped. What’s a girl to do?

All the while, the worker is preparing to do some window-trim painting.

Well, colour me red, I grab a pillow and cover the bits I can while reaching for the string to close the drapes.

Did he actually see anything? I have no idea. I did not make eye contact.

I also did not go outside until the company was done its painting project of the entire townhouse complex.

What makes this even more embarrassing is that I had prior notice that painters were coming.

I forgot until that moment when it was too late to protect my dignity and his eyesight.

This begs the following questions:

  1. Am I allowed to walk around in any state of undress or any state of ugly dress that I choose?
  2. Must I always have underwear on?
  3. Aren’t workers in his field used to odd visuals?
  4. Should I have apologized or just moved?
  5. Can he file worker’s compensation for cruel and unusual conditions?
  6. If he falls off his ladder, am I liable?

All I know for sure is I am liable to paint myself into a corner again and again.


About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
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