Here's a question for you: Is giving false praise a kind thing or a mean thing?
As someone who is often in the role of judging talent competitions I struggle with this.
At what point, if ever, does one say to someone:
"Ya know, this singing gig just ain't for you."
I remember so clearly when I was a kid in church and there was this lady in the choir who would often do solos.
This went on for years because someone/somewhere/sometime told this lady she was a singer.
Trust me when I say it was not a "joyful noise." She sounded like a squawking chicken.
Even as a child, I knew it was bad. I would gaze up at my mom to gauge her reaction. She would shoot me that look that threatened.
"Kid, don't you dare stick your fingers in your ears. Just smile and nod."
After service, I would hear people gushing to her about her talent.
These were churchgoers and they were lying. I often prayed for silence.
What about with children?
Nobody wants to crush their dreams or hurt their tender feelings. I get it.
Their parents love them and want to encourage them.
The children are on stage out of tune with no sense of rhythm, mumbling the words and there is mom and dad in the front row videotaping, mouthing the words and so proud.
Meanwhile, the audience is being treated for ear bleeds.
Does love make people deaf?
If the child has literally no musical gifts, wouldn't it be better to redirect them to another pastime?
And spouses? Do you seriously not know your loved one is flat as a pancake? Aren't you as the person closest to them the one to tell the truth?
I am truly shocked by all the phony praise being tossed around.
I remember on American Idol when nobody liked Simon Cowell but, in reality, he was the one being honest and he was usually right with his remarks about the contestants.
As a judge, I have tried to soften the blow many times.
There have been occasions when I have resorted to critiques like this: "You seem to really enjoy performing." (Unspoken is the fact that while he enjoyed it I did not!)
"You certainly knew the words to the song."
"Nice smile."
One time, when there was nothing redeeming about the performance, I went with this: "Good clapping in time to the music."
If the rest of their family and friends are blowing smoke should I be honest? Do they want the truth?
Can they handle the truth?
Surely, there must be a way to give an honest opinion and do it with love and affection.
In the meantime, I continue to work on my diplomacy.
"You know a place that has great acoustics? The bathroom. You should sing in the shower. Try that."
