Skip to content

EVERYTHING KING: Golden Bachelor moves into 'sunset years'

Dating after 60? On television! In this week's tongue-in-cheek column, Wendy predicts the pitfalls of ABC's newest Bachelor offering
Stock image

I just don’t think I can handle it!

Have you heard about the newest incarnation of The Bachelor franchise? It's called The Golden Bachelor and, as the title suggests, it will be just like the other shows of that ilk, but with older contestants.

ABC’s official description is “one hopeless romantic is given a second chance at love searching for a partner in the sunset years of life.”

While that sounds quite sweet and lovely, the cynic in me thinks this is going to be cringe-worthy.

Will I watch? Likely one or two episodes with my hands covering my eyes.

Please don’t think I am ageist. I’m really not. I love older people. I am one! I know they/we deserve love and romance. If it's found on television, and with a backdrop of a tropical island, go for it.

However, it does annoy me that it’s a man who will choose from a bevy of ladies. Maybe, the second season will be a bachelorette.

To be honest it's been ages since I was invested in these shows -- Trista and Ryan. 

This new version is giving me constipation. Maybe I mean consternation. No, it's both.

Please tell me the bachelor and bachelorettes will be age-appropriate for each other.

The idea of 60-somethings choosing from much younger women makes me a little nauseous.

I don’t think that’s the case. I’m pretty sure everyone will be around the same age. I think 60 plus.

Now, we already can guess those cast will not be regular people, right?

Nobody is showing up at the mansion meeting in Crocs.

The chosen bachelor will not be wearing socks and sandals.

I have a feeling few will be dealing with turkey neck, waving arm flab or menopause tummy.

The man is not going to have a beer belly and suspenders.

If nobody shows up in fashions from Walmart, I’m out.

How relatable will they be?

If the show is anything like its predecessors there will be a lot of drinking.

Will they have a doctor/pharmacist on duty?

You can’t really mix alcohol with metformin, blood thinners or Viagra.

I hope they scope out the locales for the dates.

They might want to avoid a lot of stairs. Personally, I don’t want to be in need of oxygen by the time I am escorted to the table.

Is there room for the walker?

Will dinner be in time to take advantage of the early-bird specials?

I hope they consider the contestants might have dietary restrictions. Rolaids at the ready?

Will the bachelor pull out coupons to pay? Will that be a turn-on or a turn-off?

Admittedly, I am fearing the physical displays of attention. Please do not have a senior version of the fantasy suite.

I know I am like a child who doesn’t want to know her parents actually kissed, let alone anything else.

Can they keep it classy? We already know they will not. They won’t even want to. There will be sloppy kissing and groping. I can’t watch. I already dread the promotional trailers.

 On a serious note, I do think it could be great to see how mature people navigate the dating world.

There could be a lot of wisdom to impart. These ladies should be able to identify a player in short order.

Hopefully, those chosen will be legitimately interested in finding love.

We can pray for fewer selfies and less self indulgence.

We will have to wait until September for the debut.

I have until then to open my mind and avoid gender stereotypes.

I do know it will air Mondays at 10 p.m. Thankfully, I go to bed by 9.

Reader Feedback

About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
Read more