Karen-Ann Roczyki knows all too well what tragedy and grief feel like.
In 2001, the Barrie mother’s five-year-old son, Christopher, drowned during a family trip to Creemore.
Now, more than two decades later, she has found herself grieving the loss of yet another child.
On Dec. 20, 2022, her 21-year-old son, Matthew, was killed when the car he was driving struck a hydro pole shortly after midnight on Mapleview Drive West near Veterans Drive in the city’s south end.
This latest tragedy has left the family reeling and struggling to cope with the reality of burying a second son.
“My husband and I split up for the longest time because of the loss of our first child. We got counselling and worked it out together … and this is just devastating. The fact that we have to relive this all over again is just chaos. Nobody should go through this once, let alone twice and unfortunately the first time it tore everybody apart,” Roczyki told BarrieToday while choking back tears.
Roczyki, who works in mental health and addictions, says she's unable to return to work amidst her grief. This has left the family struggling to cover the costs of not only Matthew’s funeral, but also their day-to-day costs while they continue to deal with the insurance company following the crash.
As a result, Roczyki has had to swallow her pride and ask for help via a GoFundMe page.
"There are a million different things that we are dealing with at the same time," she said. "We don’t have a lot of money … and we have car payments, house payments, bills, and I am trying to call to make arrangements for these things.”
Roczyki admits she hasn’t really shared the fundraising page publicly out of fear of being judged for asking for help.
“It’s hard … (and) you have to really humble yourself. It’s a hard one for me to swallow (and) it’s hard to ask for help when you’re a helping person," she said.
Despite her background working in the mental health field, Roczyki admits it's a struggle to find ways to handle her own grief.
“I know what not to do, but I am still doing them … like sabotaging myself and blaming myself," she said. "My son and I were best friends and we did everything together. I keep wondering, ‘What have I done wrong in life?’ But all I have done is help people.”
When asked if she was angry, Roczyki said she’s not, despite the many challenges life has thrown her way.
“I am upset and frustrated, obviously, and sometimes I get angry because Matthew’s life was only just starting. But I also have my faith (and) I don’t know if there was a reason behind it. My faith is a big part of this journey of trusting and believing," she said.
"I really do not know how, without faith, people can survive. Knowing that Matthew gave his life to Christ and is in heaven is the thread of hope I hold onto.”
Police have yet to determine what caused the crash, but Roczyki says she's confident alcohol not was involved.
“That’s upsetting because there are no answers right now. (Police) even said that he got gas at the gas station and there were no problems there and no arguing or anything," she said. "Matthew (knew) not to drive recklessly … and that’s where it’s really hard for me to understand because there are no explanations for anything.”
The financial help will allow the family the time they need to grieve and attend counselling until they are able to return to work, she said.
“The insurance companies take forever to get through things and the police only just finished with the car," Roczyki said. "There are just so many components. We got through COVID and what we had to get through, but we don't have tons of savings.
“It will keep the lights on in our house and a roof over our head, and it will give us an opportunity to work on things and make a plan to go back to work," she added. "As it stands, we would be forced to go back … and not have these feelings of being so stressed out.”
Losing a child leads to a lonely and difficult road to navigate, but Roczyki says she's hoping that by sharing her story through her pain she can help remind others just how precious our time is with the ones we love.
“I urge parents to never leave home without saying ‘I love you’ — no matter what age as it may be your last. Knowing that I was able to say those words to Matthew before he died brings me some comfort.”
