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Self-acceptance is an inside job

In this week's Everything King, Wendy strives to be her own best friend
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I often wonder when I start out with the blog if it will be a subject that will resonate with people. Will others say they have felt the same way or are readers saying, “This girl needs therapy.”

Agreed, I likely do. I have self-esteem issues.

There’s been something I have been wondering about for ages. Have you ever gone in to a salon for a haircut or new style and come out with the feeling that they didn’t put much effort into it because you are you?

Stay with me here.

It may absolutely be my lack of self-worth, but sometimes it feels like they did the basic cut. Even when I ask for something more dramatic it just comes out the same. Is it because they were thinking, “What can I really do with her hair when she has THAT face?” or “I can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”

I don’t mean hairdressers, in particular. I mean makeup artists, stylists, manicurists or dressmakers.             

There’s just this nagging feeling that they don’t try as hard if you’re not already beautiful. Would they take more time if the end result was going to be more spectacular? I fear my 'after' photo looks much like my 'before'.

It’s the same fear as when you are getting your nails done and the manicurists speak in their first language around you. They seem like lovely people, no doubt discussing their day or the weather. However, in MY head they are saying, “This customer has legs like tree trunks. No amount of pretty colour is going to make those toes look less like sausages.”

I am imagining that, right? RIGHT?

I have no idea if other people (women in particular) feel this way. I have a sneaking suspicion maybe a lot do. I know it's counterproductive. I know it's incorrect. It's downright sad.

We are always our own worst critics when we should really be our own very best friends. It is a terrible burden to never feel good enough. It is painful to feel judged and compared. You can quote positive sayings all day long but if you can’t take it in, it’s a whole lot of nothing. That inner dialogue can be so destructive. You try to turn it off but it can be so loud and persistent.

It doesn’t even matter if you have family support or kind friends ready with a compliment. People with these issues can’t even accept compliments easily. They will prefer to be self deprecating.

It’s the old “get yourself before they get you” ploy where you demean your own looks before someone else can do it for you. It stings less that way.

I suppose I am a work in progress. Aren’t we all?

While I am not adverse to slapping makeup on with a trowel if it will help, I know it’s the inner self that matters most.

So, you do the best you can.  Walk out the door everyday with your hair coiffed, lipstick on, outfit properly accessorized, and always add a smile. Find the happy in and around you. Self acceptance is an inside job.

Do your best to be your own best friend.


About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
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