No good can come from a video call.
The first time I remember seeing such an invention where you could see the person you are calling and they could see you was on The Jetsons in cartoon form. It seemed cute back then.
And now, here we are.
I don't even want to talk on the regular phone let alone be seen while doing so.
Case in point...
I was laying in bed scrolling through Facebook when an odd ring started on my tablet.
I tried ignoring it but the ringing was incessant. As I fumbled to dismiss it and started hitting buttons up popped a person on the screen. Now, I couldn’t hang up. I threw the tablet down on the bed like it was a hot potato and spoke.
“Hello. I have no idea how to do this.”
The face on the other end said to pick up the tablet without aiming the camera at the ceiling.
I slowly adjusted it until I could see my own image in the upper-right-hand corner.
OK, first, let me set the stage.
It was 150 degrees on this particular day and so I had gone to lay down on the bed to check Facebook and cool off. I hadn’t styled my hair and my makeup had all sweated off. Did I mention I also happened to be naked?
I know what you’re all thinking. If you recall the blogs about the unexpected window washers and then the unannounced roofers who peered in my bedroom window you likely think I am always nude. I assure you I am not. I am the least nude person you will meet. I consider it a public service to always wear clothes and lots of them. I don’t even want to catch an accidental glimpse of my own nakedness.
Still, there are times when you roam free in your own home.
Flash back to the video call. I see the worst version of myself. Pale, bad hair, tired eyes and then I realize the rest of me is hidden only by a scrunched up pillow.
This is a nightmare playing out in real time.
What is the proper protocol?
I decide to just ignore it. I didn’t address it all. I just tried to hold the camera part up high and continued to talk very, very fast.
The person calling me was a virtual stranger. She was a Facebook friend but we had never met.
She says, “Gosh, do you have relatives in Nova Scotia because you are the twin of a girl I used to work with. You are identical.”
I reply with, “That’s a shame for her.”
We chatted a bit more as I cringed and buried my boobs deeper into my pillow.
We ended the call and I am quite sure the friendship.
Then I started thinking of what would have happened if I had pushed “accept” and it was a work call.
A boss? A man in any form?
I would simply have to move.
What if the person who was calling was in a room full of people? What if they were live streaming?
No good can come from this invention.
I suppose its good if the calls are pre-arranged. It would be nice for grandparents and children. Good for long-distance romance, I suppose. Barring that — no, it is an instrument of the devil.
For the same reason I don’t want unexpected company I also discourage unplanned calling now.
To my first video caller I offer my most profound apologies. I fear we shall never make eye contact again.
To the rest of you let’s just agree you don’t video chat me and I won’t video chat you.
I should go put on some clothes now, just in case.
