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My kingdom for a chair

Where have all the chairs gone?
FancyChair
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Pull up a chair—let’s chat.

Where have all the chairs gone? Is there a shortage? Must we be in constant motion? Can’t we take a time out and take a load off?

I started noticing this trend, years ago, when television news anchors had their chairs taken away from them and forced to stand out in front of their desks juggling a clipboard and papers. It was awkward watching them lean on the desk or walk while talking. I thought it was dumb then and I still do.

Been to a bar lately? Everyone is standing around drinking even if there are perfectly good tables and chairs nearby.

Party? wedding reception? funeral? Everyone just standing.

I paid $200 bucks for a concert seat only to have people come up from the back and stand in front of me blocking the star. SIT DOWN!

If that isn’t bad enough—those two dudes created a standing desk. What? Why? I don’t want to stand up all day. Now, you can’t even get a little rest at work? 

I remember being told by an employer you will have more energy if you stand and therefore be more productive. I thought we were just told that because all our company chairs were broken and they didn’t want to replace them. It was literally the island of misfit furniture.

I know some studies say sitting is the new smoking as in its very bad for your health. Its bad for your back and legs and circulation. There could be some truth to that but maybe there could be a happy medium. Sit a little, stand a little.

I was recently at a big warehouse sale where there are hundreds of vendors set up on a concrete floor. My legs give me exactly one hour and 12 minutes before the sciatica kicks in and screams at me to get off my feet. That particular day I was desperate. My eyes were darting hither and yon for any sign of a chair. I would have settled for a sturdy box (okay, very sturdy) or even something to lean on. It was just a vast sea of ugly concrete and shoppers who seemingly had comfortable shoes.

I saw one lone pink chair over in a corner behind one of the makeup tables. I approached the sales clerk and using my most feeble voice asked if she would let me sit  for five minutes.

Here was my pitch:

“I can sit here and be the BEFORE example for your miracle cream if you want. People won’t want to look this pathetic and they’ll buy a whole bunch. I’ll buy some too if you could just let me sit for like a couple minutes.”

She agreed and while I recovered—she went to work on my face. Win-win.

Speaking of retail personnel. Why can’t they sit down on a stool in the store if they are not busy? I couldn’t care less if they take a little break. I understand it’s a rule in lots of stores that you must be standing, walking or moving all the time. That seems dumb. Personally, I would prefer they sit down rather than sit on their cellphone while they ring up my order. I would also rather they sit than follow me around like I’m a criminal. But, I digress…

There comes a point in life when you enter a building and immediately start searching for the emergency exits, the bathroom, the phone charger station or the bar.

I just want a chair. My kingdom for a chair.


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About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
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