Hoping this finds you looking forward to a beautiful holiday season!
I am about to admit something that is very embarrassing and perhaps a bit pathetic.
I love all things Christmas – yeah, I am one of those people – with reindeer ears on her car and jingle bell earrings. I look forward to most everything, except for this year I approach it with trepidation.
Last year after Christmas, I shared a story about a Christmas dinner guest who decided that in between the turkey and the gifts would a good time to insult my weight in front of others. As a quick reminder – this was totally unexpected and came like a punch to the gut. It was a close family friend and what made it even worse was the fact this woman had struggled with weight her whole life. So why it seemed like the right thing to say to someone she literally sees only on special occasions is still beyond me.
The blog I wrote at that time was the most read and most shared of any I have done, so I know it resonated with many of you.
The reason I bring it up again is that it's Christmas and I will be in her company once again. I can’t really avoid it.
I thought about hiding out somewhere else in the house. (That seems ridiculous)
I tried to think of somewhere else I could go during dinner and return after the fact.
Even as I write this, I realize how cowardly and immature that sounds.
Part of me would like to confront her directly, but that seems wrong. I’m quite sure she doesn’t even remember saying it.
Then my guilt rises up. If I act odd, it's going to make everyone else feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s Christmas Day. I told the hostess how tentative I feel and she said she would speak to this woman ahead of time, but that just puts everyone in a weird position. At this point an apology is worthless.
You wouldn’t think you would have to tell anyone, “Hey, don’t insult the other guests!”
Here’s the thing, folks. Anyone who struggles with weight knows they are overweight. Your judgment is not needed as they have plenty of their own. They likely spend every single day of their life thinking about it and worrying about it. They are doing the best they can. I am doing the best I can.
It probably took every ounce of courage for this person to get up, dress up, paste on a smile and act like everything is fine.
I’m sure I will do as always and stuff my feelings, pretending it didn’t hurt to the core and that it bothers me still. I will smile and be gracious and do the right thing. That is if ignoring it is the proper thing. I don’t honestly know. Just thinking about it tears are welling up and my throat hurts as if the words are stuck inside. Clearly, it's my hot button issue and maybe yours, too.
If I could make a suggestion for your family gathering... Don’t offer up any comments on a person’s weight, how much they’ve aged, or any differences you’ve noticed since last year. It's not helpful. It's not amusing. Let’s just lift each other up and be glad to be in each other’s company on this most special time of the year. There is a beauty in us all – every single day of the year!
