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Flushed with failure

When did public bathrooms get so high tech? In this week's Everything King, Wendy navigates the new 'loo'
computer on the toilet stock
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Technology has hit the bottom.

Our bottoms.

I guess it all snuck up on me, but recently I noticed that I am now too dumb to figure out the public bathroom.

The biggest issue used to be to identify if the stick person on the outer door had a dress on or not.

I’m not quite sure what was wrong with a regular toilet and attached flusher lever, but there have been changes.

Have you noticed?

It used to be this was one of the few remaining places where I didn’t have to think. Nature took care of itself. Nope, it seems I will soon need an instruction booklet for the water closet.

Now, there may not be a flusher thing at all. There may be a button on the wall. There may be a button on the toilet.

There is not label that I could find. You just stand there, like a jerk. pushing things to see if anything triggers the flushing mechanism. You just stand there praying for water.

What is even worse is the toilet seat that has a sensor in it. Get up. It flushes. Sit down, it flushes. Sometimes it flushes before you are safely away from the potty thus serving as a bidet you didn’t choose to use. Then you have to go sit back down. Up and down. Down and up. Like a toilet seat, as it were.

If you safely navigate your way out of the cubicle - the fun isn’t over yet.

I was recently standing in front of a sink and literally had no clue what to do to get the water to begin. There were no taps. 

Do I push a pedal at the floor? I have done that one before where water shoots out of the sink itself.

Do I stick my hand under the faucet and wait? How long do I wait? Long enough to sing a tune? Do I wave my hand under the faucet like a magic wand? The lady beside me had water. Is it rude to shove my hands in there with hers?

The one I saw recently can only be described as an airplane cockpit steering wheel. It was like a half a stainless steel steering wheel. You pushed it up for water. There were attached rods. One gave you soap. 

The other side was the drier. I didn’t figure that out until I opted to use my pants as a towel. I wish I remember where I saw this contraption so I can remember never to return.

I used to really like those air driers until they did reports on all the nasty bits flying into the air and onto your hands. 

I don’t like those turbo ones (likely made by Dyson) because it makes my skin look like its flying off my hands. It is creepy.

Given recent research that only 5 per cent of people wash their hands properly after using the restroom (according to medicalnews.com), I would think they would make it easier not more difficult. 

Some swanky hotels have attendants in the washroom to hand you a real towel. I am now thinking we need bathroom assistants who can explain how the taps and toilets work.

I would even tip for that!


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About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
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