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Fact: All modern hotel beds are built for pole vaulters

Wendy has ideas on how to improve a hotel stay in this week's Everything King
Pole vault stock
Dear hotel industry: Why would you make Wendy do this to get into her bed?

As summer vacation ends for many of us I thought I would reflect on things I have seen and learned in my summer travels.

Some good. Some bad. Some things that are just super annoying (annoying — like that dishevelled un-ironed Trivago guy)

For starters: hotel rooms. 

More precisely: hotel room doors. I want a key. I don’t like key cards. Have you actually ever inserted one the correct way the first time? Me neither. 

Card upside down? Right side up? Strip in? Strip out? Just give me my key with the room number right on it. 

I can never remember my number. I know they treat it like a state secret for security reasons but if anyone wants into to my room I will be thrilled to make him an extra key. And don’t put the card near your phone or other cards or it gets de-activated forcing you at all hours to go back to lobby for a new zapping of the card.  A key works every time!

Do you remember the days when you would burst into the room and immediately choose your bed? Maybe you wanted it by the air conditioner or maybe the one by the bathroom but the choosing of the bed was of the highest priority.

Now, I wish I had the choice of height of bed. Why are they like 3 feet high? I need a running start and a pole vault to stick the landing. Why must they be so high?  On a recent excursion I was experiencing two Charlie horses in my calves and literally could not get out of the bed. It was like living atop Mount Everest. As the pain paralyzed both legs I slid, on my butt, across the mattress and tried to fling myself out onto the floor. It was a long way down.

The too-tall beds could also cause an embarrassing delay should the short person really need to get to the bathroom when time is of the essence. Picture that.  No, maybe don’t.

The other super important thing in the room used to be the TV. Now, everyone scatters and scurries to find the plugs for their various gadgets. That is a priority for sure. It could come to fisticuffs should someone unplug somebody else’s phone.

Why do hotels use the lowest wattage of light bulbs? I’m all for conservation but I can’t see a thing. So much darkness.

Something I have loved since I was a kid has been the complimentary baby soaps and shampoos. Yes, I steal it all. It keeps me supplied for a month to follow.

Fancy mirrors that make you look better than you really do. Yes, yes and yes.

Coffee makers. Great addition.

Hair dryers are super helpful.

I did run into another issue that really bothered me. Perhaps, its because I am not from the big city and am not a world traveller but I was unhappy with being charged extra for parking during a recent stay. At $200 a night, with a minimum stay demanded. I think a daily parking fee is nothing short of gouging.  

People are staying in your resort — you need to provide the parking spot. Spare me the stale bagel in the morning and let me park for free.

And please fellow guests.  Shhhhh!  Hotels have become like hospitals — don’t go to one to get any rest. So much activity so early and so late. 

On the plus side a lovely unseen housekeeping fairy picked up my wet towels and made my bed and that was priceless!


About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
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