'Tis the season for the obnoxious family Christmas newsletter!
Actually, I should be appreciative of any piece of written communication and I am. I do enjoy keeping up with friends and family news.
The thing is there is always that one obnoxious newsletter — the one with the oversharing, bad pictures and the over the top bragging.
My family make a festive event out of reading them usually with a bad fake British accent so we sound extra hoity toity!
One started out with this line “pardon the brevity”! Yet, it ran on for three pages of family accomplishments.
Why are there no losers in these letters? Everyone’s kid is the CEO of some corporation making oodles of money and travelling the globe for business. Really?
Nobody's kid is in jail?
The pictures seem so happy — all of them wearing winter white — even the dog doesn’t seem to shed.
I know we all want the Hallmark Christmas but a little less sugar coating would be welcome too.
Please enjoy my year in review with a happy spin followed by the ugly truth:
This year has been one of learning, change and evolution for me. I have taken a brief sabbatical from broadcast journalism to recharge.
(HEY, SO MY YEAR SUCKED. I GOT DUMPED FROM MY RADIO JOB. I AM STAYING HOME NOT WEARING A BRA AND NAPPING A LOT!)
I have found this time to be very educational as I engage in more technological pursuits whilst entering the literary field.
(I LEARNED WHAT A DONGLE IS. I WRITE A BLOG)
The newfound freedom has given me time to enjoy more social time with colleagues and associates and do some networking.
(I GO OUT WITH FRIENDS WHO STILL HAVE JOBS ON THE OFF CHANCE THEY’LL BUY LUNCH!)
There has been time for lots of travel.
(I WENT TO ANGUS AND COLDWATER)
I embarked on a new lifestyle change with a regime of healthy eating and exercise.
(I GOT DIABETES AND CAN’T EAT COOKIES ANYMORE. I GOT A FITBIT AND IT ZAPS ME IF I DON’T WALK AROUND)
Otis, the cat, is now being home schooled and excels in communications and computer work. He is brilliant!
(OTIS, THE CAT, SITS ON THE COMPUTER KEYBOARD AND CRIES FOR TEMPTATIONS. THE BRILLIANT PART IS ACCURATE!)
May this note find you and yours enjoying the joy and peace of the season. May 2017 bring much prosperity!
(DON’T GET YOUR TINSEL IN A TANGLE! I HOPE WE ALL GET RICH!)