Skip to content

Everything King: Spinning myself into gold

Wendy discovers the modern job search is a new frontier
Everything King (with Wendy King)

As the journey from jobless to re-employed continues, so does learning the new ways of the world — the new lingo — how to "spin" things.

I probably haven't written a resume in 25 years. If I did, I don't remember anyone really checking it out in depth. With radio, at least — it is more important how you sound on tape rather than on paper (although that has certainly changed with social media).

Working with a career counseling company has been interesting. The first thing you learn is you don't say you've been fired or laid off or dismissed. You say, and I quote, "I am transitioning due to a corporate restructuring and I am excited by the opportunities." (Insert fake smile here).

If you are asked why you left the company — say something like "the company made some staffing changes due to business considerations." 

(At this point it would be wise not to grind your teeth.)

Give me the good old days when the best advice was: dress appropriately and don’t have a limp handshake!

Here are some actual resume suggestions which seem like too much spin to me:

— "Proven success in cultivating and managing relationships" (Doesn't that just mean you play well with others?)

— "Quickly assimilated and developed the team within an aggressive timeframe" (Translation: I called a bunch of folks to a meeting and told them to make it snappy.)

Apparently, according to the experts nobody cares about your references anymore.

A potential employer might ask for them once you get to an interview, but no need to put it on the resume which should be no more than two pages.

What they do look at is your social media pages. That could give some people pause.

They also will not care about anything you did more than about 10 to 15 years ago. (Darn, because I thought my gig as a talking shopping cart — where customers pushed a button on a grocery cart and I recounted the weekly specials — was my clincher!)

Size matters — in your FONT. Comic sans (any size) is not good but Times New Roman (12) is.

The suggestions for selling yourself include special language — “conceptual vision,” “creative and resourceful,” and  “track record of innovation and creativity.”

It all seems so phony.

I'd rather just say I'm good at my job. I'll work hard for your company. I'll show up on time and give you a full day's work.

Salary expectations: I am going to need enough money to keep a 25 pound cat in ample amounts of Temptations cat treats. (My biggest expense)

Work/life balance: I will need enough vacation to escape reality and to keep my sanity.

Truth. That would be an awesome concept. I'm going to try that.

I'll let you know how it works out for me.