This is for those of you who are secretly relieved you cannot visit with relatives for Christmas.
I know nobody wants to admit that, but you know who you are!
I always remembered every year how I begged and pleaded for lots of time off at Christmas, because I was so desperate to be with family and there was always about 80 per cent of my colleagues who thought I was insane.
“Why would you want to spend a week with your parents?”
“I can’t handle one afternoon with my mother!”
“It's just a chore I have to do to keep the peace. Can’t wait until the holidays are over!”
So here we are, just a few days before Christmas facing an uncertain holiday season.
Perhaps, secretly, this is the year you always wanted. (Not the pandemic part!)
Ontario Health Minister Christine Elliott has been advising we gather only with people we live with saying “please try to limit your holidays to just members of your own household. Please do not have big family parties. Please do not go to big get-togethers.”
Toronto’s medical officer of health, Dr. Eileen de Villa, has said: “Contact between people, especially from Dec. 24 to New Year’s Day, could easily amplify the number of infections we are seeing right now.”
So, let’s put a different spin on this mess. Maybe it is not so horrible.
As humorist Erma Bombeck observed: “Family ties are the kind that bind and gag."
So, here’s a few things you can happily avoid this year.
1. There are no excuses that need to be made. We can’t visit. We can’t go house to house seeing all the extended family. We are in the red zone. No can do! No guilt trips. The end!
2. No need to go from one family gathering to the in-laws family gathering in the space of 12 hours whilst so full of turkey and stuffing you didn't need the car’s gas to get you there. Lay back. Unbuckle your pants. (If you’re even wearing any.)
3. No need to get stuck at the kids' table, crammed into a dark corner with no chance of ever getting out until the feast is over. Unless you are small enough to crawl under the table between everyone’s legs. Enjoy your big spacious table all to yourself.
4. You won’t have to pretend to enjoy Aunt Dot’s fruitcake, picking around the red, yellow and green things to get to the boozy cake part.
5. You also don’t have to eat that overly sweet marshmallow salad that someone told someone back in 1952 was good and so it has been served at family Christmases to this very day. Same for jellied salad. Jell-O is bad enough, but without added fruit chunks? It is so gross. No, this year, you can serve what you want, when you want. Tacos at noon? Sure. Gravy as a beverage? You bet. Wine for breakfast? Why not? You’re not driving anywhere.
6. No need to dress up (unless you wish). Nobody will be judging your mismatched plaids or baggy sweat pants.
7. Surely, we will be saving money this year. No need to buy gifts for those random neighbours or associates you feel you should give a present, too, because you will run into them. Chances are you won’t. Keep the gift card for January for yourself.
8. No fear of awkward conversation about what you accomplished this year. Nothing. We did nothing and went nowhere. End of chatter. You can bury your face in your phone and leave it there for the whole day.
9. Your pets can stay in their own cozy bed without being stressed on a long road trip or put in a kennel.
10. No snarky relatives can comment on your weight gain. Chances are the "COVID 15" hit them, too! Plus, if they say anything on Zoom, just say "Oops, bad connection. Bye bye."
So, there are things that we can appreciate as we stay home this year. Maybe it’s a chance to really decompress, since we have little choice.
Time for a good book, some Netflix binging, or a long winter’s nap.
The bottom line is while it is a very special time — Christmas Day is just one day — just 24 hours and we can fill it however we choose.
We will all be home for Christmas this year. Not only in our dreams.
