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Christmas with the Queen

Celebrating at the palace could be a royal pain, says Wendy King in this week's Everything King
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Would this be the best and most exciting Christmas invitation or the worst?

Word has it that Queen Elizabeth II has invited Meghan Markle’s mother, Doria Ragland, over to Great Britain for Christmas.

At first blush, that seems like a lovely offer considering Meghan is new to the Royal Family and has no close relatives in the country. What an incredible gesture by Her Majesty.

However, when I really thought about it, I realized this would be my worst nightmare.

The pressure would be incredible, for commoners anyway.

Will there be wassailing? And, what the heck is that?

Can you even imagine?

First of all, what would you wear? Something in a festive red, green or gold, to be sure. 

You can go nuts with accessories. Face it, you will never be outdone by the Queen in her family jewels and crown. 

However, chances are you are going to be held in tight with corset and panty hose. Something tells me stretchy pants would be frowned upon.

Doria looked lovely at the wedding, so I’m sure she’s got that covered.

Do you bring a dish to dinner?

I could rustle up a green bean casserole or maybe that salad with coconut and baby marshmallows, but that’s about the extent of my offerings.

Can you imagine the angst of figuring out which glass, fork or plate to use? 

Could you actually eat?

Doria likely doesn’t eat. Maybe a couple of celery sticks and a pickle.

How many scoops of potatoes is considered acceptable? If I were in her place I would definitely slop on my top! That is the first thing I do every year and it is going to be the gravy, for sure. 

Can one pull out the Tide Stick right then?

Would it be gauche to feed the corgis from the table?

What if they serve bangers and mash?

What if it becomes painfully obvious that I don’t know what figgy pudding is?

Am I going to have to balance the tea (pinky up) on my lap while we retire to the drawing room? Or is there a footman to hold my cup?

If the dear lady, Doria, makes it to the gift exchange — there’s a whole slew of disasters waiting to happen?

What on Earth do you bring to the Royal Family?

A basket of scones?  

A donation to one of their favourite charities?

It would be tacky to give cash, right? I mean, the hostess’s face is on it.

Do you think they play that ghastly game where you can steal someone else’s gift? I doubt anyone dares to go near Her Majesty’s. 

Let’s face it, she does still have the keys to London Tower.

What is considered proper conversation topics? Surely not religion or politics.

Hopefully, like in every household, everyone just stares at the children (Charlotte, George and Louis) as they play with their gifts. 

Maybe, like every household, everyone stares at their tablets and iPhones so small talk shouldn’t be a problem. Oh, of course, they can talk about the new baby soon to arrive.

What if the guest uses the “Queen's English” inappropriately?

If she makes it to the evening, hopefully, they serve a stiff hot toddy to take the edge off. 

I doubt you could ever throw off the shoes and put your feet up on the couch.

I’m sure this lady won’t have any concerns at all about Christmas at the castle.

I hope Ms. Ragland does have a magical holiday. I’m sure she’ll fit right in.

Maybe if all goes well, she can hang in another week and help the Queen with her New Year’s Day message.


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About the Author: Wendy King

Wendy King writes about all kinds of things from nutrition to the job search from cats to clowns — anything and everything — from the ridiculous to the sublime. Watch for Wendy's column weekly.
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